1. “The match between Halep and Pennetta is about to start, but first … let’s talk about Serena Williams some more.” — Commentators
2. Steffi Graf mention? Check.
3. Double check.
4. Awww Simona Halep has a teddy bear on the back of her tennis bag. Presh!
5. Clutch Italian pronunciation of Flavia Pennetta’s name, announcer man.
6. Whose name always makes me want penne pasta.
7. Mentions of how short Simona Halep is so far: two. Predicting more.
8. Oh wow, there is literally no one at this match.
9. Well not literally.
10. There’s like 100 people.
11. Which is still not a lot.
12. First game, penne pasta.
13. Omgee, first break. 3-1, pasta.
14. Oh my gosh, you’re making this way too easy, Simona. Down 4-1.
15. Okay, she’s 5 feet 6 inches. Not that short, guys.
16. Is this set about to be 6-1? Really?
17. Yep, apparently so.
18. Commentators inform viewers that Halep likes to call herself “Fighter Girl.”
19. You can’t nickname yourself.
20. Also, the fight is clearly not there today.
21. Because she’s lost the past six games.
22. Flavia’s coach has quite the head of hair.
23. Oh my gosh, Simona is up 40-love this game. Is this a first?
22. Woooo game, Simona. And she broke her. So that’s pretty cool.
23. Perhaps deserving of calling yourself “Fighter Girl.” We’ll see.
24. Finally a fist pump from Simona. Always a good sign.
25. Three fist pumps in one game. This is really good.
26. Three sets? I think yes.
27. Not a racket smash, but a towel smash. Not quite as satisfying.
28. Ohhhhh noooooo. 3-all.
29. Wait that drop shot was actually so dumb.
30. Pretty sure the commentators have given up any hope of Halep winning.
31. Stop talking about her emotions?!?
32. Literally that’s all they’ve talked about this match is Halep’s emotions.
33. Henceforth counting the number of times they say “emotions.”
34. So basically Pennetta is about to win. One game between her and Serena.
35. I mean maybe Vinci.
36. But Serena.
37. Match point.
38. And Simona with the forehand winner under pressure.
39. And match.
40. Bye y’all. Now it’s time to watch the real star.
